Deaf means EARS, not nose. Oh, the horrors…

Over the past week, I have been reliving my journey, the adjustment of becoming Deaf.  I found solace and peace, but getting there was rough.  An extract of my first night at the hospital almost sent me into a nosebleed, the memory was so harsh…


I closed the door and, on my way to the bed by the window, decided to apologise in advance to the girl in the middle bed who was engrossed in whatever show was on the television in front of her.

Speaking in (very loud) Finnish, I told her “I am Deaf.  If I snore, I wanted to apologise to you now instead of later.”  The girl smiled and nodded before returning her attention to the television.

I was awoken shortly after falling asleep.  Although my ears did not work, my nose certainly did.  I still rue the smell that kept attacking my nostrils every couple of seconds.  It did not take long before I realised the girl had taken my advanced notice of “I’m Deaf,” to actually mean “…and please feel free to fart as often as you can because I won’t hear it.”  Leaving the hospital room as often as possible for some fresh air, I vowed that the next time I have to share a room with somebody in hospital, I bring ear plugs for my nose.

The following morning, I sent a text to my husband about my flatulent neighbour of the previous night.  My husband vowed revenge.  I was touched.  My husband ate a can of baked beans and a burrito prior to coming to the hospital.  Unfortunately for me, the human ass-trombone was discharged before my husband arrived.  His fart-food of vengeance was worse than any smell I had ever encountered and by the time I had to go and see the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, I was gasping for air.

(end of extract)

While it is true that I have faced discrimination regarding my Deafness which is hard to put into words, nothing comes close to the trauma of that night when a girl’s misunderstanding of the word “DEAF” led her to believe that my ears and nose have no senses.

Once, a long time ago, I told my husband the joke:

Q) Why do farts smell?

A) So Deaf people can enjoy them too.

Needless to say, since my hospital visit that night, I have not found this joke funny.  My husband used to… until he farted next to me after I got home the following day.  By the time my wrath had been unleashed, Marko was so scared that he now leaves the room to fart.

Once the horrors of that night wear off, I shall resume writing this book.

– Rosie xx


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